I want so many things.
Why do I want so many things?
I love people. I want to listen to them, cry with them,
teach them, inspire them to be the selves they were created to be. I want to
feed them and free them from prison and sing with them and help them find wholeness.
I want to love them, to love them in North Carolina
and Maryland and Minnesota
and Gaza and Bangladesh
and Tanzania .
I want to reconcile us all with each other—the women and men, the liberal and
conservative, the rich and poor, the young and old, the black and white and
native and Latino and Asian and Arab and Jewish and everyone in between.
I love the arts. I want to write beauty and vulnerability
and redemption. I want to sing with the spirit, to play the melodies and
harmonies of hope.
I love this earth, this creation. I want to run and hike and
swim and climb. I want to learn and teach us all to eat the fruit of the land
rather than the factory, to find goodness and simplicity in the everyday
processes of growing and eating and coming and going and waking and sleeping.
I love the church: its babies and nonagenarians, its
liturgy and communion and song and scripture, its touchy-feely sharing and
tearful prayers and most of all the God who is
creating and recreating us all. I want to see the church willing to die and
come alive anew.
I want so many things.
I cannot have or do all. This life, this in-breaking kingdom of God is too rich for me to drink it all
in. And if I am to give myself fully to this world, I will have to choose:
between the piano and the garden or between Maryland
and Tanzania
or between the incarcerated and the nonagenarians.
What I mean is that I have this one fleeting chance, as we all
do, to run at the world holding all the love I can.
And when I choose where, specifically, to run, I will choose also where not to run. I will lose pieces. I will let go of the other dream, the other country, the other song. I will release them into the air and pray one day they come back and find me further on the journey.
And when I choose where, specifically, to run, I will choose also where not to run. I will lose pieces. I will let go of the other dream, the other country, the other song. I will release them into the air and pray one day they come back and find me further on the journey.
I suppose in all truth, it is a good problem to have: the
desire to love and create and heal more than is humanly possible. A heart too
full to narrow itself to one passion.
The fullness in this heart, though—I just want to bring it
to the right place.
I want so many things.
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