Monday, December 9, 2013

This one is for the single people

My heart has been with all my friends who were married this summer. And of course, it is with my friends who are already married, because you have been examples and sources of wisdom.

But my heart is also with the single people, for you also have been examples and sources of wisdom.

I know a lot of time the focus is on the married people. Sometimes it seems that from age sixteen on, we are just waiting for you to find a relationship, because that is obviously the goal. Sometimes it feels like we are telling you not to worry, that you are going to be like us one day, married. That only then will you reach happiness or completeness or maturity. Sometimes we try to console you for being alone, or push you to find someone, or put you in an awkward position (bouquet toss/blind date/third wheel/etc.) If you are older, maybe we treat you like you are wounded or weird. If you have been married or in long relationship before, maybe we treat you like you are broken.

I just want you to know that I value you, so much, and that you are enough. If you are eighteen and dreaming of finding the one, or twenty-eight and weary from looking, or thirty-eight and satisfied with the place you’re in, or forty-eight and a little lonely, or fifty-eight and starting over, or are enough. You are already giving so much to your friends and family and community—and that is no small thing. If you are single by choice or by circumstance or by some combination, I don’t care, you are enough.

If you do long for love, I will long for it on your behalf, too. In the meantime, I am so thankful for you, your humor, your gifts, your work, your friendship, your achievements, your goals, your you-ness.  In the meantime, I will try not to superimpose my life story over yours, or to make any assumptions about your path, but to listen instead to your own story, if you would like to share.