Best of 2017

A slightly belated look back at (the good parts of) 2017.

THE BEST BOOKS

#5. Cutting for Stone by Abraham Verghese

An intriguing, lovely, sad tale of twins and their family saga across three continents.

#4. Amazing Grace: A Vocabulary of Faith by Kathleen Norris

Tackles the learning and re-learning of Christianity and its Big Words with the grace and dexterity of a poet. I love this exploration of why the ancient, oft-misunderstood words of faith remain relevant, and how one might rebuild a vocabulary of faith and spirit when so many of the words have been used to hurt.

#3. The Best of Enemies: Race and Redemption in the New South by Osha Gray Davidson

This book is part racial history of Durham—and reminds me how good it is to know the story of the place where you live (how many of us truly do?). And it is part story of the transformational relationship between a former KKK member and a black community organizer who came together on school integration and became the best of friends. A timely read.

#2. The Cure for Sorrow: A Book of Blessings for Times of Grief by Jan Richardson

While I'm sure my interest and love of these poems is tied to chaplaincy, I don't think it's limited to that sphere. There are a lot of reasons for personal and public grief these days, and this poet's simple but profound words bring life and hope into the honest mess of grief. You can find many of her poems on her website, The Painted Prayerbook.

1. Long Division by Kiese Laymon

Best novel I've read in a long while. It's a coming-of-age story about race, language, time travel, and love. Per its own character's commentary, it's a book written lovingly for and about black youth, so that I often felt like I was overhearing someone else's story. It's a fascinating, lovely overhearing that breeds rich reflection and contains powerful themes for all of us.

THE BEST TV/VIDEO  (forgive my very unoriginal contributions here)

Honorable mentions:

Movies- Imitation Game, The Post

TV- Stranger Things

#2. This is Us

This is just good TV, people. Family systems in action.

#1. Moonlight

As usual I'm a year late on movies, but-- WOW. One of the most emotionally powerful and beautifully filmed movies I think I've ever seen.

BEST MOMENTS

#5. Living in Durham as a non-student

Durham is a sweet little city, and it's been such a wonderful fall to walk, run, eat, drink, explore, and enjoy life without papers and exams. I'm especially grateful for the amazing friends I've made here and who have stuck around, and for the ensuing camping trips, ballet excursions, book clubs and more.

#4. The events of September 8-17

Because in one single week plus a couple weekends, I hiked the glorious hills of Yosemite with my dear friend and then got to experience the equally wondrous treasures of Ocean City Bike Week with my high school ladies.

# 3. Graduating from school FOREVER

That's right everybody. I finished divinity school in May, and although people keep telling me never to say never, I'm being bold: I never plan to enroll in any degree-seeking program ever again. I have a love-hate relationship with school; although I love reading and writing and learning, my mental health doesn't do too well with the combination of grades/scrutiny plus a feeling of abstraction or disconnect from the "real world." I'm very grateful for the time I spent at Duke Divinity and all I learned, but I was so ready to be done and put this degree to work.

# 2. Duke Hospital Chaplaincy

I've written already about how grateful I am for the chaplaincy program in which I currently work. I'm grateful for the process, grateful for the co-workers, grateful for the learning, and most of all grateful for the beautiful patients and families who are willing to let a complete stranger into the intimate moments of their lives. I see God everyday in this work.

#1. Return to East Africa

I started off the year with perhaps the most beautiful moments of it—which is not to say there weren’t many more as the year progressed! For the first time since living in Tanzania in 2009, John and I returned to see old friends last Christmas. It was so good to catch up in the flesh, meet all the children who have come into the world since we were last there, and be amazed at the relationships that persist across time, distance, and difference. I then proceeded to Uganda to live life for a week with a dear friend in Kampala. Finally, I got to attend Duke’s Great Lakes Initiative conference and be absolutely blown away and inspired by the courage of reconciliation workers from Congo, Burundi, Rwanda, South Sudan, and others. Some people truly live out their faith even in the face of death, following the call to costly discipleship.

Best of 2015

Well, 2015 whizzed by. I'm now halfway done with seminary, pushing thirty, and getting settled in Durham NC. It’s the time to celebrate some of my favorite things of the year.

Books: (Only three; I didn’t read enough non-school books this year)

3. Wearing God by Lauren Winner: Fantastic exploration of different images for God in the Bible. You know, Christians like to call God creator and king, but God is also described as clothing, fire, pregnant woman, friend, bread, wine, aroma. These chapters expanded my spiritual imagination and invited me to celebrate a God who is beyond my limited conception.

2. Lila by Marilynne Robinson: This deals with the same characters, and some of the same events, as her two earlier novels Gilead and Home, but from a much different (fascinating) perspective. Robinson doesn’t write page-turners, and her books don’t follow a typical plot, but the writing and characters are impeccable, and the themes are rich with human questions. What is it that defines our souls, our capacity for good or ill, our relationships and our loneliness? Lila asks questions especially about the feral and gentle within us, about how early experiences shape us, about how spirituality is relevant to those for whom the main question is survival.

1. Just Mercy by Bryan Stevenson: I’ve been recommending this one to everybody. Stevenson’s book reads as part memoir, part documentary, part true crime. You’ll be flipping pages to find out what happens to Walter, a man on death row who swears he’s innocent, and meanwhile you’ll be confronting our justice system, the depths of brokenness within all of us, and the persistence of hope and redemption.

Media and Arts:

3. Most of my TV and movies you've all already seen. Probably my two favorite movies were Boyhood and The Theory of Everything (and yes, I also enjoyed Star Wars.) 

2. Much better than staring at a screen is experiencing art in reality. I saw Swan Lake by the Carolina Ballet in Raleigh last spring and it was lovely.

1. While visiting the Getty Museum in LA last March, I was drawn to a painting in a way I’ve never before been drawn to art: “Mary Magdalene at the Sepulchre” by Girolomo Savoldo. I see myself in it, I suppose. And I see the most perfect, realistic-but-hopeful balance of darkness and light. It's not the same on a screen, but:

            

Best things:

4. Preaching: Sometimes a class becomes a community; sometimes an education becomes real life. My preaching class this fall was perfect. We were creative together, we helped each other grow, we laughed, we learned what it is to occupy this space of being called to share the gospel of God. I’m thankful for reminders that this path I’m walking into is one that fits.

3. Trips:  California (lovely former roomie plus meeting the life goal of peeing in all 3 oceans that aren’t at Arctic Temperatures plus riding a bus with some silly college choir kids plus biking across the Golden Gate); Minnesota (spirit home plus two of my dear college friends marrying each other!); Western Massachusetts (friends’ wedding plus camping and napping under trees).

2. Presbyterians: I’m working at a Presbyterian Church right now, loving especially the honor of listening to people’s stories and grateful to be mentored by a wonderful pastor. And since September, I’ve been officially on the list as an “inquirer” to become a pastor in the Presbyterian Church. This basically means I’ve passed the first of three steps in discerning and becoming certified as a pastor. It’s getting real, y’all.

1. Reunion: If you read any of my pieces this summer, you know that I had a beautiful and possibly life-changing experience with Church of the Saviour this summer, especially the time I spent learning from the people at Reunion, seeing both the heartbreaking reality of the prison pipeline and the redemptive possibilities of community. I’m so grateful for the servant leaders of that community, for the men and women coming home from prison, for the encouragement to be authentic across lines of race and class, for a place which nurtured my spirit so.

What’s ahead:
3. Durham, NC: In one of the harder decisions we’ve had to make since our marriage, John and I decided to turn down a job offer he had received in DC, since it would have started this summer and necessitated us spending a year apart (it also wasn’t his dream job). I love DC so it was sad to say, “not now.” But John graduates in May and we’re looking forward to staying here in NC like for a few more years. I won’t say I don’t have second thoughts when I visit home and reunite with all the wonderful people there, but it’s nice to be putting down roots and slowly building community here in Durham.

2. Being able to walk! After lots of biking and running this summer, I started noticing minor foot pain. It took four months of no running or biking, five weeks on crutches, two X-rays and one MRI to finally figure out what it was—irritation and inflammation of the sesamoid bones, which are on the bottom of the foot near the big toe. I’m now mostly recovered and in physical therapy, looking forward to being active again, not depending on people for rides, hiking the Grand Canyon in May and maybe running a half marathon later this year.

1. Writing again: It’s been a draining semester, and I didn’t write a blog post from July until now. I’m not sure what the future holds, but I do know I’ve signed up for a non-credit journaling group this semester. I’m hoping that will get the creative juices, the truth-telling juices, flowing again.

Best of 2014

It's time to share with you some of my favorites of this crazy, challenging, wonderful year.

Photo by Brad K.

THE BEST BOOKS
#5: The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak
Yes, I did put a young adult novel on this list. Old news, so many of you probably already know the book or movie, but if not: The Book Thief is a charming, clever, humanizing tale of a young German girl living in Nazi Germany and learning to read and write the truth about the war.

#4: Getting Involved with God, by Ellen Davis
Advance apologies for the heavy weight to my Duke professors on this list. They really are that good, though, and I'm a lucky girl (see best moments below). This book is an excellent and thoughtful collection of reflective, poignant, often personal essays. Highly recommended for Christians who just don't get the Old Testament, or who would like to understand it better.

#3: Two-part Invention, by Madeleine L'Engle
Oh, my favorite writer, one of those I have loved since age 12 and still love--she writes for every age. This lovely memoir, written the year her husband had cancer, reflects on the story of her marriage. It is sad but full and rich and beautiful, a good kind of book to read the summer you are living in a different place from your husband and want to remember the commitment and challenge and love that a marriage should be.

#2: The Invention of Wings by Sue Monk Kidd
One of the best novels I've read in a while--you absolutely must read it. Equal parts important and engrossing. Friendship, women, slavery, education, religion, courage. Compelling characters and writing.

#1: Still, by Lauren Winner
If you know me, you knew my favorite would be from the spiritual memoir genre. I got to take a class from this brilliant and amazing woman this semester, but earlier in the year I read her latest book, which is a heartbreakingly honest and insightful collection of thoughts on coming to the spiritual "middle" of one's life. Relatable for anyone in the middle of life's journey, which I think is most of us.

THE BEST DIGITAL MEDIA
I'm going to gloss over this category quickly, ironic considering the amount of hours in 2014 I've spent consuming digital media. But, my conclusion after plumbing the depths of Netflix is that not many TV shows are actually good. John and I have been enjoying slowly working our way through Parks and Rec, and I am enjoying the final season of Parenthood. 

The only whole-hearted endorsement I can give is the 2013 movie Philomena, which is a fantastic story of a woman in search of her lost son. It is a tale of friendship and personal growth that in my mind holds the perfect tension between optimism and realism, hope and cynicism, faith and doubt.

THE BEST MOMENTS
#5: All the little things: Writing. Running. (Both of which happened primarily January-August). Reading. Laughing with family and friends. Cooking. Biking to school. Chocolate.

#4: The Southwestern CC GED graduation last January. It was wonderful to watch 30+ students I'd taught receive their diplomas, many of them preparing to enter community college or jobs with their new credential. There was a huge push in 2013 to get people through the test because a new, harder test rolled out in 2014. So last January was full of the joy of calling students to tell them the results were in and they'd finally gotten that math score they needed, and we had a cap and gown for them to wear! I was so proud of all of them. I really did love that job and was sad to leave in May.

#3: Hiking up Gregory Bald with John. One of our last excursions in Cherokee, and it was perfect.

#2: Getting to try out being a pastor this summer with the wonderful, accepting, encourage community of May's Chapel United Methodist Church in Maiden, NC. They welcomed me to their homes, hospitals, and pulpit, and I learned a lot about small-town life and church, as well as about myself as a leader and pastor. There was no better way to start my seminary education than to be so affirmed in the reason I'm going to school.

#1: Being at Duke Divinity School and knowing I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I cry in class or as I read or when I break bread in the chapel with my colleagues, because faith is hard and beautiful all at the same time. I sway in chapel because the trees in the window are praising God with me. I can almost physically feel myself growing and forming into a pastor and leader and friend. I am rediscovering prayer and silence and discipline after a long time fallow. I am surrounded by incredible friends and colleagues and teachers who are perceptive and kind and supportive. It is hard--emotionally, academically, relationally, spiritually--and the hardness of it is part of the goodness. I feel incredibly fortunate to have the chance to study here. No place is perfect, but this one is pretty close, at least for me right now.

Well, what about you? Leave your recommendations or highlights in the comment section.

The best of 2013

THE BEST BOOKS:

#5. Dreams from My Father, by Barack Obama

John made fun of me for reading this. Love or hate the president, or just feel exceedingly disappointed in him…either way if you can put that aside, this was a fascinating, well-crafted, insightful memoir on race in America, written long before he had a political career.

#4. Torn: Rescuing the Gospel from the Gays-vs.-Christians Debate, by Justin Lee

This book honestly opened my eyes. Justin is a rational, level-headed, patient guy with an amazing story, and he is so good at being understanding of people on all "sides" of this issue. His vulnerability in this memoir made me more compassionate.

#3. The Dog Stars, by Peter Heller

This book came out in 2012, but it is my top pick for fiction I read this year. Haunting, disturbing, and ultimately hopeful, Heller tells the story of a pilot who has just a little too much humanity to make it in a post-apocalyptic world. The characters feel like real people, and the book is ultimately an affirmation that the risk of love makes life worth living.

#2. The Pastor, by Eugene Peterson

Maybe it’s just because I want to be a pastor, but this was a lovely memoir by a pastor and the author of The Message paraphrase of the Bible. He’s got some hilarious anecdotes, profound moments, and most of all the narrative is wound around the idea that becoming a pastor was a sort of gradual, slow journey that happened upon him by accident, only for him to realize he was meant for it all along. That ultimately his calling was gifted to him.

#1. When We Were on Fire, by Addie Zierman

I didn’t grow up in quite the evangelical bubble she did, but lots of details she wrote about 90’s Christian culture were familiar. Honestly, though, what makes this memoir amazing is the empathetic, achingly beautiful way she describes loneliness, growing up, love, friendship, and grace. If you have ever longed for friendship and community, if you have ever had any interaction with Christian culture whether from outside or in, if you have ever looked for love in all the wrong places only to find it was right beside you all along…you will love this book.

THE BEST DIGITAL MEDIA:

#5. Catching Fire

Because I shamelessly love the Hunger Games story. And because Jennifer Lawrence.

#4. The Lizzie Bennet Diaries

This was a fun web series, and an extremely smart modern adaptation of Pride and Prejudice.

#3. The Office Finale Season

I know it wasn’t as funny without Michael Scott, but  I loved so much the Jim and Pam story this season, because I love when television tries to be realistic and true to life. And then it was nice to see everyone get their happy ending. 

#2. Meet Me at the Edge of the World by Over the Rhine

Granted it’s the only CD I bought this year, but I’m still sure it must be the best one out there! With rich melodies, gorgeous singing, poetic lyrics, this might be my favorite Over the Rhine album yet, which is saying a lot.

#1. This news story about Antoinette Tuff

It’s not often that someone could have the compassion and poise necessary to hold off a gunman in the school office until he calmed down and surrendered himself to the police. Sure, there was some luck and grace involved here, but she decided not to run away, she decided to treat him with the dignity of a regular person, and that is what made the difference.

THE BEST MOMENTS:

#5 Discovering brownie-in-a-mug

You can make a single-serving size in 2 minutes in the microwave. Need I say more?

Photo by ABC Open Riverland

#4 Hiking the Appalachian Trail
My brother Michael and I hiked 74 miles of the Great Smoky Mountains in August. It should be closer to #1, but it rained every single day and we had to wear wet socks. We also saw some sweet views, ate lots of fruit and nuts, and fell into the enchanting rhythm of the woods.

#3 Running the Smoky Mountain Relay

John and I were part of a 12-person relay team running 212 miles across the Smokies. We slept in a van, got lost in the woods, ate granola, and mostly ran and ran over rolling hills with bright green trees and blooming pink buds.

#2 Writing a blog

It’s been reinvigorating to focus on writing my story and terrifyingly good to share it. I need to write to process, to express, to keep moving forward.

#1 Celebrating weddings 

and our first anniversary

Because nothing beats the combination of best friends, red wine, and coming together for a happy moment. And because when John and I get to sit down and watch the rain from a cabin porch in the mountains and really talk about things and affirm each other, marriage is the best.

THE PERSON OF THE YEAR:

#1 Wallace Murchison

He was generous, joyful, kind, affirming. Every interaction or phone conversation with him began with a whoop of excitement and ended with a reminder that “I love you and I’m so proud of you.” I have been interviewing my family members, compiling stories about him. There are sweet anecdotes about book readings and piggy back rides, embarrassing moments, sage advice. But no matter who I’m talking to, it always ends like this: “He was just the best father/father-in-law/grandfather. The best.”

Photo by David Cea

So it’s not surprising that when he passed on to the next realm this year, peacefully and gratefully at 93, he was celebrated and missed by many. At the church before the service, the family had been eating sandwiches in one of the church meeting rooms after the private burial service. When it was time for the public funeral, we walked in from the front of the church. It was all I could do to keep my mouth from dropping wide open. The church was absolutely packed. The balcony was full. There were people standing in the aisles. There was a crowd in the lobby, peeking into the sanctuary. Four hundred people, they said later.

I was just one of those, lucky to have shared with him so many dinners, concerts, graduations, and my wedding. Lucky to have swum in the ocean with him and gone for walks and asked his advice on life and sat next to him in church as he prayed earnestly and sang loudly. I am lucky to have had a week with him this past Easter, a sort of goodbye, a blessing. I undoubtedly took him far too much for granted. All of us were lucky to have him for 93 years.

Practicing who we want to be

My book club's most recent read was a fantastic, heartbreakingly beautiful post-apocalyptic novel called The Dog Stars by Peter Heller.

One theme that struck me is that we can't know how we will respond in a post-apocalyptic situation--or simply in a pinch. In the book, most of the characters, even those who were nice enough people before the crisis, are driven to survivalist distrust and violence. But there is a group of Mennonites who retain a sense of community and care for each other. I suspect it's because they've been practicing for years the art of community, nonviolence, and compassion.

When push comes to shove and I am challenged, exhausted, removed from my usual routine... Will I kill or be killed? Will I put others before myself? Will I take risks for community or run away from catastrophe like a coward? Will I cut myself off or remain open?

Tough situations draw out in us the actions we've been practicing in the humdrum, daily life. And unless we have been intentional about practicing the actions that go with our self-proclaimed values, we won't necessarily be strong enough to be who we say we are. If I want to be someone who cares for others when the going gets rough, I've got to get out there every day and care for others in small ways. If I want to be someone who keeps an outlook of joy and gratitude even in my wilderness, I've got to practice gratitude every day.

Thinking about life this way is a big challenge. I can't just let each day go by without being intentional. I have to realize that every decision I make--hold on to anger or let go? wake up to water the plants or sleep in and hope for the best? take the time to pray for friends or just say i did? get to know my students or just give them some math worksheets?--every decision has eternal consequences in who I become.

But I also find it comforting. Because it's not about whether I'm naturally a good person.
Doesn't matter whether I'm naturally prone to love or whether it's really hard for me to reach out to people when I'm tired.
Doesn't matter whether peacefulness is second nature to me in my thoughts, conversations, and actions or whether I get really angry anytime I feel a blow to my pride.
Doesn't matter whether I'm actually a good writer or just a pretender :)
All I have to do, taking one moment at a time, is practice.

Another dimension

In one of Madeleine L'Engle's books (A Ring of Endless Light?) there's a delightful scene where 8-year-old Rob explains his idea of what heaven would be like. Imagine an alien came to earth--an alien who came from a planet where there is no sense of sight--and was given eyes to see. Until the alien arrived on earth there would be no way to explain to him what colors are. But once he arrived, he would be overcome by the beauty of this whole other dimension he never knew existed. I guess heaven may be like that for us-- a whole new dimension, a whole new layer of experiencing and sensing, that will be utterly new and beautiful.

I also see glimpses of it here and now. God is already breaking into our current reality with a new layer of beauty. So often we just go on our doldrum way, because we don't really know how to "see" the colors.  Every now and then the gift is given, we can see the enormous majesty and love that is below and beyond and behind each and every living thing, permeating the gritty streets, the insecure people, the piles of tasks, the groans of our bodies.

To paraphrase St. Paul, it doesn't matter who you are, how rich or poor, what race, what gender, what religion, how busy, how lazy, how anxious, how sad, how joyful, how excited, how well you're getting along with your family, how much you've accomplished, how you feel. God's love is everywhere, in you, in all things. There is no longer Jew nor Greek, slave nor free...Christ is all and in all. (Col 3:11)

I say all of this because it came to me last week while working at Subway. Washing dishes in the back on a slow day, I thought of a dishwasing monk long ago who learned to see that glory saturating everything: Brother Lawrence, who wrote The Practice of the Presence of God, a little book of his journey discovering God's presence in every moment.

So I began to think of God's presence, and to pray--for my friends, my co-workers, those who have recently experienced loss, those who have big things ahead, those who are weary. (Confession: I am normally really bad at praying for people). And then it happened: I felt God's glory, love, majesty, a whole dimension of extreme beauty, beneath the surface but breaking through. Always there. Bringing meaning and joy to life if we train our eyes to see. Surrounding and infusing every move we make with great Love.